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What's more, we were both fullyclothed, wearing jeans, so I didn't think much of it. It would be merelyclinical. So I had him lay down on his bed and I lay on top of him, rubbingmy pelvic area against his in small mechanical thrusting motions. I couldfeel the small erection under his pants, and I felt a twinge of guilt havingliked it a little. I'm sure he liked it too. But we tried not to let on toeach other we did. We both stopped before it went too far, and I didn't leton that I was aroused. That was the end of it. He went out to ride his bikeand I went home.Not long after that, on a rainy Saturday afternoon, we were looking atmagazines and he asked me to do it again. This time I had no illusions I wasteaching him anything new, I just wanted to do it for some reason. Thefeeling was building up faster this time, and so was the guilt, so I stoppedafter a few seconds, and Frankie seemed disappointed."Why'd you stop?" he said.I just shrugged, hoping the red on my face didn't show. Then. I loved it. It was strictly a one-way sex act – he didn’t return the favor – but I was hooked. A door had been opened and I was in love.But the door soon slammed shut.Unbelievably, Jerry told one, or some, of his other friends. I’m sure he left out the part where he had jacked my dick. The word spread and I was taunted, humiliated, traumatized. I was bullied, but never attacked. I was taller than a lot of the other guys, and they knew I was a fighter. They never tried ganging up on me, but my life was miserable. I skipped school.My parents found out, first about me playing hooky, and then about the scandal. They were amazingly sympathetic and stood behind me. As time goes by these things have a way of working themselves out and being forgotten, but not my inner trauma. These newly discovered sexual feelings were locked away, which left me with no sexual feelings.I grew up.When I was eighteen my dad sat me down and said something like, “Blake, you’re a man now. You may not be able to.
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